My wife has been at Narconon Arrowhead since Feb. We were both quite pleased with the program for quite a while. We talked all the time and she told me of her progress. I have been to see her on three occassions and all was well untill the last trip. The last time there she acted different. Somewhat distant. Now this is not like her at all. We have always been very close and loving. We have been through Hell together and still remained very close. Not anymore.

She didn't call me for two weeks after I left the last time. I finally get in touch with her and she tells me she is reconsidering our marriage. She said our marriage was based on drugs. Not true. I told her we were together for well over two years before drugs came into play. You could tell she was digging and said, well, we were drunk. She then hung up and wouldn't contact me or answer my calls. I tried for days to get in touch with her. Narconon staff was no help. Three days later after many phone calls to the staff and her family she calls me. Very distant and irritated. Again, not like her. Never the less, she tells me she loves me but she needs to focus on her program. She says she will call on Sundays. OK, great more than I have been getting.

Later in the week she sends me some text messages saying please hang in there for me baby. Can you do that for me? I love you. I would marry you again today if I could. I thought everything was great. I eagerly awaited her call Sunday. She never called. Monday I get another text saying that she has remembered that Jesus Christ is her Lord and Saviour. And in doing so, she no longer wants to be married. ??????????????This is not a religious woman at all. I sent her a text saying tell me that at your graduation. I love you and will always be here for you. I get a similar text the next day. I responded basically the same.

I spoke with a family counsellor there Monday after the first text. This was no easy feat. I had to call the front desk constantly for them to track down the counsellor. She tells me that my wife is just going through a lot and she is dealing with a lot of issues from way back. She said that it would be a different story in another month. She calmed me down and I felt better. Well, I try to get back in touch with said counsellor for the rest of the week and can not get her to call me back. They just stonewall me at the front desk. All they keep telling me is my wife won't take calls from me. That's not what I am calling for. I'm trying to get the FAMILY counsellor to call me back.

Is my wife's behaviour normal for someone in this stage of rehab or is something going on that I should be seriously alarmed about? Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

To answer your question, "is this type of behavior normal?" I would say yes. When we come out of the "fog", many times we have questions, comments, etc., etc. Sometimes we want to frantically allign everything in our lives to play catch up. I think it's funny how as soon as we get sober, we want to fix everything that is "so important", ie, the marriage, our physical health, etc., and yet we have neglected all of this stuff for so long! It is not uncommon to be on an emotional rollercoaster for much of early sobirety (ie, it could be a few years!). This is why it is imperative that your wife not only have qualified professionals working with her, ANY YOU, but also a strong support system of women who have already been through this process. Without these components, I'm afraid she will make little progress.

So the question really is... is your wife getting those things at Narconon Arrowhead? And this is where my opinion comes into play. When I was at Narconon, there were few qualified professionals working there and if they were, they were in some way affiliated with Scientology. Now if you were to ask them this, they would deny... in fact Narconon has lied about many things related to their program (like telling my Mother and Father that they were not Scientology). Second, does the program work?... opinion here.. NO! The program fails to address many dynamics that are important to permanent recovery. Here are some examples; The Family afterward, ongoing support and community support, counseling, well accpeted concepts surrounding addiction as a disease, THE TWELVE STEPS. Now I'm biased, becasue I got clean in a twelve step porgram. But as a counselor, I can say that there are many ideas presented in the Narconon program that are unsubtantiated and outright not true that they will claim are. It's unfortuante, but that is how they role.

Now, do some people stay "sober" as a result of being "treated" at Narconon? Yes. There are some. But my observation was that it was the minority and these were poeple who were willing to stay on as "staff" and continue to "study" the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard. So I have two theories on these people. First, they aren't real drug addicts/alcoholics, because they can "control" their ability to use or not use. Okay, a real addict CANNOT DO THIS, and second they are on their way back out. It's just a matter of time. I recently met an old course supervisor that was employed at the Newport, CA Narconon facility. He confirmed this. He was clean something like 10 months working as Course Supervisor and ulitmately went back to using while he was employed at Narconon. This isn't uncommon. I know of at least a couple of staff who relapsed while I was at Narconon Arrowhead. None of them had any qualifications, no education in human services, no certifications to work in the state of Oklahoma, no common knowlege of addictions what so ever... yet they were working directly with the clients, everyday. This is who is working with you wife, right now.

Well, I hope that this was helpful. Unfortunatelly they have most likely conviced her that she can control her addiction and has sweat out the toxins and is on her way. And I'm sorry for you and for her, becase none of those beliefs are true or substantiated by an unbiased third party. I wish you luck. I wish your wife luck, and I hope that you two find peace in reovery. That goes for you as well. And I hope that if you are struggling with addiction you will get connected with your local AA/NA group and get some direction. There are poeple there who can help and can walk you through the work, ie, the twelve steps so that you can get some freedom.

Let me know if I can help any further.

mr.mac

You can definitely be more help and I would greatly appreciate it. As a QUALIFIED counsellor, would you be willing to speak with her father directly. I think he believes I am being a little dramatic about this place. I am sending him phone numbers to qualified counselling services that have told me to get my wife out of there. It would help tremendously if he heard from someone that has been to this place and is also a trained proffessional. I am begging you. I want my wife to get real treatment. She can't get it there.

It's too late. She's too far gone. We are getting divorced.

Well I hope that things are going better this week than they were last. I'm sorry that I didn't get back to posting sooner. How is your wife doing?

mr.mac

She's accusing me of using still. This is not true. She keeps blaming everyone else for her using drugs and says she doesn't care about how she's hurt people around her because it's all about her now. I've talked to people and they say she is ashamed of herself and she's trying to run away from everything. She hasn't accepted responsibility for her using. Several different people have told me to hang on, when she accepts responsibility she will change her tune.

She had divorce papers drawn up and is insisting that I sign them. I was going to do it but after speaking with several people, I have decided not to do it until she finishes her program. Boy, did that piss her off. What do you think?

One of the things Scientology (and Narconon) does is "cut you out of the herd."
That is, cut off the individual from friends and family, which gives them greater control over that person's life.

What do you want to bet your ex-sweetie will start working for Narconon and going up the Bridge?

There's an actionable charge that's been successfully used in court in lawsuits.
"Alienation of affection." I wonder if it would apply here...obviously, she's been turned against you.